That may seem rather strange to many of you, but really, it doesn't matter how much or how little we have, we still need more, don't have any, and can't figure out how to get the accounts to balance! I am frustrated because I have been getting very few calls to teach, and this really puts a stress on the family. Matt's not working as he's finishing his practical in Windsor and working hospital shifts. That makes it hard to see us let alone figure out where to slide in a shift at work! Therefore, I'm the sole income and I haven't had one!
Today that is changing. I worked today! First time in nearly a month, but I decided I need to think differently. As odd as that sounds, it seems to have worked. I was going to bed planning out the next day as we all do, but I kept saying to myself, "if I don't get a call then..." where as last night it was, "after work I need to..." and "I need to do ___ before I go to work". I got a call at 6:45 this morning! And what a great school it was! Grade 8 has become a niche for me, and while a lot of people think I'm nuts, I rather enjoy the 7/8s! I hung out in the staff room and snagged a half day for tomorrow too! Hopefully I can stop hating money and go back to ignoring it! :)
Well, I had a taste of working full time. I was worried about that point in time, and was sure that I only wanted to work part-time until Kanga was in school. JK at the least. The change in Monkey when I went to school full-time was huge! He was 3 1/2 and the behaviour, the self-esteem and such that I saw was just sad. He's been recovering from that over the past year while I've been home with him, and he's been doing much better knowing mommy loves him, and having mommy and Monkey date days once a month. He loves it!
Now the truth of things. While I was at work full time, Monkey's behaviour didn't change. He had one bad day, and that's not unusual when you're 6! Kanga took a couple of days to adjust and was clingy on the weekend, but really, can you blame her!
While at work however, in the class situation that I ultimately want to achieve, I felt so accomplished, and just ready to be me, ready to move forward with life! That's not to say I want to drop everything I've set up, and as all working mom's do, I felt guilty for feeling this! How ridiculous is it to feel guilty at feeling fulfilled! What has society done to us!
I've decided I'm ready to apply for LTOs (Long Term Occasionals) in the fall. The change is that instead of ideally half days every day, ideally it would be full days every day financially, and because I think my kids and I can handle it. We had home cooked meals every day, got to the activities fine, maintained routines, and best of all, I was making money, not shopping! *lol*
It's strange, but the week that I found myself in this unexpected position was the week that my maternity leave officially ended. I'm now in the position where if I don't work, we don't have money. Just like everyone else. I didn't get any calls on Monday, was sick so that was okay, but that's money I didn't bring in. Tomorrow I have to take a 1/2 day to get the house ready for Kanga's 1st birthday party on Saturday, and I'm taking Monday off for a mini-vacation. I hope I can get consistent calls for the rest of the school year! I won't have worked enough to get EI for the summer, so we need to find magic money to get through 2 months and then that LTO will come and I'll be doing what I've always done. Teaching kids to be themselves, and be productive in society, and I suppose some math and science in there too!
I've also found out how much my friend support me. Berry watched Kanga for 3 days, Donna for 4, and Donna has a full-time spot for Kanga in the fall too. It does take a villiage to raise a child, and I am so lucky to have found such great friends. Friends at Monkey's school watched him for me, took him to and from school and everything. Thank you so much to all!
